Correct me if I’m wrong, but I thought the whole motivation behind advancing technology is to make the process as small and as fast as possible. The thinner, the smaller, the faster, the sleaker, the better.

Right?  But please explain this to me why Japanese mobile phone provider, Willcom, recently demonstrated their latest invention, the Kuma Phone, which is basically a stuffed teddy bear cell phone. You simply insert your SIM card into the bear (hopefully in its butt) and then dial away.

You can save up to four speed dial numbers in the bear, one in each paw, which are activated by pinching internal sensors. It vibrates and makes custom noises for incoming calls, which can be answered and finished by pressing the tail.

This is great. Not only can I cuddle my new cell phone to sleep, but I can also look like a complete idiot by holding a giant stuffed animal to my head every time I get a call. I can also only save up to four phone numbers, which is perfect, because I only have four friends to call. Sign me up.

Apparently Willcom designed this concept phone to appeal to women, but I know I won’t be the first to say that this is the worst idea ever. You want to appeal to women? Stay away from the stuffed animals. We are not at a carnival. And we all do not collect Beanie Babies.