Like every cool person in the world, MTV tuned into Josh Schwartz’s Rockville CA yesterday and compiled a list of things they learned from the indie music series.

• All concertgoers speak in a witty, “Dawson’s Creek”-type style, and their vocabularies know no limits.
• Drinking water at the bar is lame.
• Every club has a resident mute, who speaks only through her photography.

Well, duh. I could have told them all of that. But I’m not denying all the takeaway from watching Rockville CA. Here’s what I learned from the show:

• Bathrooms in hipster music joints are always pristine and clean.
• I’m uncool because I never heard half of these bands before the show.
• Ryan Hansen makes the world go round.

Chris Brown and Rihanna have recorded a duet together, weeks after he “allegedly” beat her bloody. I think we can rule out a cover of Hit Me With Your Best Shot. According to a source at US Weekly, the song is “about being stronger and growing stronger in a relationship.” I can’t say much about the strength of their actual relationship, but Rihanna personally should get stronger if she insists on hanging around Chris Brown. Just sayin’.

Sorority Forever vet Taryn Southern is branching out from acting, singing and looking pretty. Now, she’s acting, singing, looking pretty, writing and producing her own television show. MTV has ordered a pilot episode of Private High Musical, based on a web series of the same name created by Southern. Fellow Sorority Forever alum Angie Cole is also in the cast of the web series, but I don’t know if she’s coming along to MTV.
The show is being sold as a  “High School Musical” parody, but it’s  more than that. The web version at least is legitimately funny, and the songs are pretty catchy.  After the jump, check out the first episode from the web version of the series.

I have to warn you, this is safe for the web, not safe for television, so if you aren’t comfortable with perky teens signing about menstruation and sex, don’t watch.

Click here to view the embedded video.

Click here to view the embedded video.

Last night was the season finale of Randy Jackson’s America’s Best Dance Crew on MTV, which brought the final competition down to Quest Crew and Beat Freaks. It was literally a battle of the sexes, with Beat Freaks being the first all-female dance crew to make it to the super finals. Check out the reveal above.

You can also watch the winner’s big group routine after the jump!

Click here to view the embedded video.

If you’re like me, you’ll be watching The Watchmen this weekend. Like the graphic novel, the movie is very visually dense, with plenty of “easter eggs” hidden in the movie for those who watch it over and over. But if you don’t have time for repeated viewings, MTV has put together a list of Watchmen Easter Eggs to look out for the first time.

My favorite? The copy of The Watchmen owned by one of The Watchmen in The Watchmen.

Click here to view the embedded video.

MTV just released a trailer for new episodes of The Hills, which is set to return to television in late March. Apparently this isn’t a fifth season about vapid Hollywood girls dealing with scandalous friendships and…wait, does anything else really happen in this show? Actually, this is a preview for upcoming “bonus episodes” from season 4. Whatever that means.

The trailer itself is like a 2 and a half minute long episode, which means nothing really happens but it’s OH SO GOOD!

I’d like the 20 minutes back that I spent watching these two girls go back and forth about this rumor. Wait, no, make that 15 minutes. I did enjoy the 5 minutes of watching Heidi back at work in a cubicle ever since she got demoted. Ohhh, snap. Heidi lost her office! How humiliating!

I wonder who got her old office? Where is Heidi’s unemployed sister getting the money to buy her new clothes? Why does Lauren always lose her latest best friend? At least she still looks super cute when she cries. When’s the season finale?

Click here to view the embedded video.

If you’re like me and somewhere in your late twenties (ahhhh!), then you’ll sympathize with me as we mourn the end of an era. This past weekend marked the final episode of MTV’s Total Request Live, which I like to think was the first TV series that was able to air only the first 30 seconds of any music video and still call themselves a “music show.”

Farewell, Carson Daly, that annoying super skinny guy with the messy hair and that chick from One Tree Hill. You’ve entertained us after school for so long and helped us realize that the “m” in MTV didn’t stand for music. It stood for something that I still haven’t quite figured out yet.

Check out MTV News’ recap of TRL in 60 seconds above.

So basically Heidi gets canned after her boss comes across her doing shots of tequila with Spencer during the opening night of their XIV club.

(Hey, note to future club owners: I suggest you stay away from creating a club logo that looks just like Forever XXI stores. Young, underage girls may get confused in Hollywood.)

Well, DUH. That’s what happens when you drink at work. It’s also what happens when you bring your douchebag of a boyfriend to work so he can say impertinent things to your boss. No sympathies here, Heidi. Next time, save the cash you want to spend on plastic surgery and put it towards your unemployment fund. But please don’t go on unemployment. That’s for REAL unemployed people.

Also, Audrina buys a house (A HOUSE!!! AFTER THIS SUB-PRIME MORTGAGE CRISES?? SHE’S YOUNGER THAN ME AND SHE CAN BUY A HOUSE???) and moves out. Tears ensue and I roll my eyes in relief. She’s finally out of that house and can actually move on and possibly develop a working relationship with Justin Bobby.

I think this was the season finale, so who knows. Maybe this is the last we’ll see of LC, Lo and Audrina. For some reason, I really don’t care. Hmmm…maybe I’m finally growing up?

The Audrina drama continues with this latest episode of The Hills! The girls (and boys) are safely home from Cabo and Audrina gleefully tells everyone that she’s finally breaking things off with Justin Bobby…that is, until Justin Bobby meets up with her and mumbles something.
The end result? Audrina is back together with Justin Bobby, breaks things off with the Aussie and Lauren does something like go to class with Stephanie.

Can you believe this?? This marks the 4th season of the hills and after all that time watching Audrina cry over this long-haired skanky dude, she decides to make a formal decision to get back together with him? What is wrong with her? What is wrong with our generation?

Yes, I’m angry. I can’t believe I spent all that time, clutching my remote control, watching Audrina go through the trials and tribulations of her relationship…and this is what we’re rewarded with? Another go with Justin Bobby?

That’s just wrong. WRONG. Audrina, I am thisclose to breaking things off with you.