Some girls are content to be rich and famous just because they are on a reality show. But not Heidi Montag. Heidi dreams bigger. She wants to be rich and famous because she is on a reality show and also because she’s a singer. The Hills star premiered her new song, “Look How I’m Doing” this morning in Los Angeles on the On Air With Ryan Seacrest show.

Montag has a kind of breathy delivery that reminds me a little of Britney Spears, and the song features thought provoking lyrics like ‘I showed you a kiss that they do in France,” and “ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.”

I guess the recession is even reaching our young Hollywood starlets! Lauren Conrad has announced that her upscale clothing line, the aptly named Lauren Conrad Collection, will go on hiatus while she revamps the look. That means no more new seasons, no more clothes and no more dresses named after all of her friends.

Wait, so where else can I buy my $215 sun dresses for summer?? Dammit, Lauren. You always ruin everything!!

We know that Lauren Conrad talks about leaving The Hills after every season (which she did say again earlier this month) but I guess it’s finally happening!

Us Weekly is reporting that Audrina Patridge is signing on to be her own reality tv show star with Mark Burnett’s production company, and will begin pitching the show to networks next week.

“We are truly pleased to have the chance to work with Audrina,” Burnett tells The Hollywood Reporter. “She has already proved her star quality, and we can’t wait to show her fans world wide the next stage of her life and career.”

If you define “star quality” as vacant stares during meaningful conversations about your relationship, then Audrina is the way to go!

MTV just released a trailer for new episodes of The Hills, which is set to return to television in late March. Apparently this isn’t a fifth season about vapid Hollywood girls dealing with scandalous friendships and…wait, does anything else really happen in this show? Actually, this is a preview for upcoming “bonus episodes” from season 4. Whatever that means.

The trailer itself is like a 2 and a half minute long episode, which means nothing really happens but it’s OH SO GOOD!

Oh, Lauren. You are so wise in the ways of friendship and trust—especially when it comes to a gullible Audrina believing Hollywood gossip.

But if you were hoping that to watch LC lose yet another BFF, you’ll be sorely disappointed. In this episode, Lauren continues to be mad at Audrina, Audrina admits that the rumor about LC hooking up with Justin Bobby was wrong, and they eventually make up. So all that fuss was for nothing?

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OOOOOH MYYYYY GODDDDDDD So this week on The Hills, someone told Audrina that Lauren and Justin Bobby hooked up, and Audrina totally asked them both if they did hook up and they both were like, NO! And Lauren even said that Justin Bobby disgusted her, and Justin Bobby got all mad and it was obvious that nothing happened but like Audrina still believed the rumor and will this show please end already?

I’d like the 20 minutes back that I spent watching these two girls go back and forth about this rumor. Wait, no, make that 15 minutes. I did enjoy the 5 minutes of watching Heidi back at work in a cubicle ever since she got demoted. Ohhh, snap. Heidi lost her office! How humiliating!

I wonder who got her old office? Where is Heidi’s unemployed sister getting the money to buy her new clothes? Why does Lauren always lose her latest best friend? At least she still looks super cute when she cries. When’s the season finale?

Reality television can be a lonely place full of taut abs, backstabbing, and elimination challenges. But did you also know it was a place where two people can fall in love and eventually get married?

This weekend, Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt from The Hills eloped and got married in Mexico.

They’ll probably find their way back before we get that big wall up.

Normally, highly-publicized impromptu weddings by attention-addicted reality-television stars are doomed to failure, but I actually think these two deserve each other.

If you’re sick of hearing about these two now…just wait till one of them (probably Heidi) gets pregnant.

You can read all about it thanks to our friends over at US Weekly.

So after a couple of boring episodes, it looks like The Hills are back on track to the Heidi vs. Lauren war.

I mean, could it get any better (or worse?) with Holly moving into Lauren’s new house after getting kicked out by Spencer?

No, it probably can’t. Unless Heidi’s grandmother comes for a visit and Spencer manages to offend her as well during lunch at The Ivy.
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My bad. I guess The Hills aren’t over yet, but I wish it was. I’m losing patience with the complete lack of Lauren’s personality, the perfection of Whitney’s legs and SERIOUSLY, HEIDI? How many hints can the producers throw your way to DUMP YOUR BOYFRIEND?
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I really enjoyed last night’s episode of The Hills. Not only did it take my mind off of the upcoming election (vote vote vote!) but it also provided a good lesson in proper workplace behavior.

So basically Heidi gets canned after her boss comes across her doing shots of tequila with Spencer during the opening night of their XIV club.

(Hey, note to future club owners: I suggest you stay away from creating a club logo that looks just like Forever XXI stores. Young, underage girls may get confused in Hollywood.)
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