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Some girls are content to be rich and famous just because they are on a reality show. But not Heidi Montag. Heidi dreams bigger. She wants to be rich and famous because she is on a reality show and also because she’s a singer. The Hills star premiered her new song, “Look How I’m Doing” this morning in Los Angeles on the On Air With Ryan Seacrest show.

Montag has a kind of breathy delivery that reminds me a little of Britney Spears, and the song features thought provoking lyrics like ‘I showed you a kiss that they do in France,” and “ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.”

I guess the recession is even reaching our young Hollywood starlets! Lauren Conrad has announced that her upscale clothing line, the aptly named Lauren Conrad Collection, will go on hiatus while she revamps the look. That means no more new seasons, no more clothes and no more dresses named after all of her friends.

Wait, so where else can I buy my $215 sun dresses for summer?? Dammit, Lauren. You always ruin everything!!

We know that Lauren Conrad talks about leaving The Hills after every season (which she did say again earlier this month) but I guess it’s finally happening!

Us Weekly is reporting that Audrina Patridge is signing on to be her own reality tv show star with Mark Burnett’s production company, and will begin pitching the show to networks next week.

“We are truly pleased to have the chance to work with Audrina,” Burnett tells The Hollywood Reporter. “She has already proved her star quality, and we can’t wait to show her fans world wide the next stage of her life and career.”

If you define “star quality” as vacant stares during meaningful conversations about your relationship, then Audrina is the way to go!

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MTV just released a trailer for new episodes of The Hills, which is set to return to television in late March. Apparently this isn’t a fifth season about vapid Hollywood girls dealing with scandalous friendships and…wait, does anything else really happen in this show? Actually, this is a preview for upcoming “bonus episodes” from season 4. Whatever that means.

The trailer itself is like a 2 and a half minute long episode, which means nothing really happens but it’s OH SO GOOD!

But if you were hoping that to watch LC lose yet another BFF, you’ll be sorely disappointed. In this episode, Lauren continues to be mad at Audrina, Audrina admits that the rumor about LC hooking up with Justin Bobby was wrong, and they eventually make up. So all that fuss was for nothing?

Here’s the part of the episode that I don’t get: the show also follows Heidi, Spencer and Stephanie as they visit their grandmother, Nana, down in Huntington Beach. Why are they showing this wrinkled old lady on TV? The whole purpose of The Hills was to watch beautiful, young and wealthy people wander around Los Angeles. The last thing I want to watch is the complete opposite, especially one that is related to the Pratt clan.

Thanks, Nana, for providing absolutely zero drama to the storyline. At least pee in your pants and hit someone with your cane next time.

Poor Stephanie. I think the show needs to be renamed “How To Make Stephanie Hate Her Life,” judging by how Spencer treats her.

Next week’s episode reveals Whitney’s move to New York. Boring. But her spin-off, The City, premieres December 29th. I’ll definitely be setting my DVR for this.

I’d like the 20 minutes back that I spent watching these two girls go back and forth about this rumor. Wait, no, make that 15 minutes. I did enjoy the 5 minutes of watching Heidi back at work in a cubicle ever since she got demoted. Ohhh, snap. Heidi lost her office! How humiliating!

I wonder who got her old office? Where is Heidi’s unemployed sister getting the money to buy her new clothes? Why does Lauren always lose her latest best friend? At least she still looks super cute when she cries. When’s the season finale?

Reality television can be a lonely place full of taut abs, backstabbing, and elimination challenges. But did you also know it was a place where two people can fall in love and eventually get married?

This weekend, Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt from The Hills eloped and got married in Mexico.

They’ll probably find their way back before we get that big wall up.

Normally, highly-publicized impromptu weddings by attention-addicted reality-television stars are doomed to failure, but I actually think these two deserve each other.

If you’re sick of hearing about these two now…just wait till one of them (probably Heidi) gets pregnant.

You can read all about it thanks to our friends over at US Weekly.

I mean, could it get any better (or worse?) with Holly moving into Lauren’s new house after getting kicked out by Spencer?

No, it probably can’t. Unless Heidi’s grandmother comes for a visit and Spencer manages to offend her as well during lunch at The Ivy.
I can’t believe the lengths that Spencer goes through to isolate his girlfriend from anyone who cares about her. It’s gone so far that I’m half expecting MTV to post a toll-free number for abused women at the end of each episode.

And it was a huge disappointment (but not a surprise) when Heidi got her job back at SBE. Seriously, men in Hollywood need to grow some you-know-whats and let a girl like her stand in the unemployment line for once. Having a Heidi-less world would be best for our American society. It’s time for change, just like Obama said. Yes, we can. Yes, we should.

My bad. I guess The Hills aren’t over yet, but I wish it was. I’m losing patience with the complete lack of Lauren’s personality, the perfection of Whitney’s legs and SERIOUSLY, HEIDI? How many hints can the producers throw your way to DUMP YOUR BOYFRIEND?

Heidi, you do show some sense, especially when you told Spencer to stay away from her former boss, Brent (hey, my boss’ name is Brent, too! OMG we’re like twins.). But how come you forgave him for such a crappy attempt to get you rehired? And to have your boss actually tell you that Spencer is bad news? Like, HELLO? That’s crossing way too many personal boundaries but I think it’s just the universe telling you to break up with him. Get away. Run away. I will drive you to Mexico or Reno if it helps. Just tell me when and where so I can pick you up.

I was worried that the episode would end with Heidi back at her old job but it looks like that’ll happen in next week’s episode.

Oh, and MTV, we get it. Whitney has a spin-off series about moving to New York. You don’t have to make it that blatant when you show her having a blast with hot models in Manhattan. We get it. We going to watch her show.

So basically Heidi gets canned after her boss comes across her doing shots of tequila with Spencer during the opening night of their XIV club.

(Hey, note to future club owners: I suggest you stay away from creating a club logo that looks just like Forever XXI stores. Young, underage girls may get confused in Hollywood.)

Well, DUH. That’s what happens when you drink at work. It’s also what happens when you bring your douchebag of a boyfriend to work so he can say impertinent things to your boss. No sympathies here, Heidi. Next time, save the cash you want to spend on plastic surgery and put it towards your unemployment fund. But please don’t go on unemployment. That’s for REAL unemployed people.

Also, Audrina buys a house (A HOUSE!!! AFTER THIS SUB-PRIME MORTGAGE CRISES?? SHE’S YOUNGER THAN ME AND SHE CAN BUY A HOUSE???) and moves out. Tears ensue and I roll my eyes in relief. She’s finally out of that house and can actually move on and possibly develop a working relationship with Justin Bobby.

I think this was the season finale, so who knows. Maybe this is the last we’ll see of LC, Lo and Audrina. For some reason, I really don’t care. Hmmm…maybe I’m finally growing up?