We did a post earlier in the week about the Halloween Candy Hierarchy, but since I’m more of a pessimist, I’m going to concentrate on just worst Halloween treats – specifically, the worst things to get when trick or treating.
5. Coins
If kids wanted change that badly they’d sit on a street corner playing saxophone. We can tell you forgot what day it is, and had to look through your couch cushions. At least you didn’t give out a moldy Cheeze-its.
Also, coins are filthy and shouldn’t be mixed with food. This directly impacts the next item on the list.
4. Apples
Yes apples are healthy, kids should eat more apples, apples have no fat, blah blah blah. But like coins, APPLES ARE NOT CANDY. Plus, try getting an apple to stay un-bruised after throwing it in a sack with a bunch of dum-dums. Not only is it bad for the apple, it’s bad for the softer, easily crushed, nougat-based candies. Everyone loses.
3. Wax bottles
We’re not badgers. We don’t like to chew through nasty things to get to food. Encasing candy in wax makes about as much sense as encasing bacon in Dial soap. Plus, the sugar juice isn’t even that good.
2. Box of Raisins
“Oh,” you might say. “Rasins are nature’s candy!” No, candy is nature’s candy. Raisins are dried out little grape sacks. I don’t care if they are full of fiber. Don’t pretend to know that I need more fiber. ( I do, but that’s not the point.)
1. Floss
There’s always the dentist or the dental hygienists or the person that just hates kids who gives out floss. Again, NOT CANDY. Not only that, but when kids floss, it is because they are forced to. Giving out floss to kids expecting candy is like handing out extra geometry homework or chores.
So remember, when you hit the store to pick up treats for the kids, avoid everything on this list and get some real candy.
Except black licorice. That’s just nasty.
October 24th, 2008 at 7:44 pm
[...] Brendan J. Frog wrote an interesting post today onThe WBoo!: The 5 Worst Halloween â??Treatsâ??Here’s a quick excerptWe did a post earlier in the week about the Halloween Candy Hierarchy, but since I’m more of a pessimist, I’m going to concentrate on just the worst Halloween treats – specifically, the worst things to get when trick or treating. … [...]
October 24th, 2008 at 8:09 pm
[...] Brendan J. Frog wrote an interesting post today onThe WBoo!: The 5 Worst Halloween â??Treatsâ??Here’s a quick excerptWe did a post earlier in the week about the Halloween Candy Hierarchy, but since I’m more of a pessimist, I’m going to concentrate on just the worst Halloween treats – specifically, the worst things to get when trick or treating. … [...]